Tag Archives: marriage

Was Paul Married or Opposed to Marriage?

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1 Corinthians 7:7
I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
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It appears Paul is opposed to marriage. Actually he was combating a common thought of his day (and ours) that being single is a second class status. He is saying that each person needs to live according to the “gift” they have received. Marriage is honorable (Hebrews 13:4) but singles have more liberty to give themselves fully to the Lord. “So then, he who marries … does right, but he who does not marry … does even better.” (1 Corinthians 7:38)

A bit of trivia today, there is reason to believe the apostle Paul was married but a widower when he wrote this. First of all, it fits well into the context here as he specifically addresses widows suggesting they “stay unmarried, as I am” (7:8). Secondly, there are indications Paul was a member of the Sanhedrin, the Jewish ruling council, because in Acts 26:10 he says he cast his vote for the death of the believers. If he is not speaking figuratively and he was a member of the Sanhedrin, he was married as that was a requirement for membership.

Also, in 1 Corinthians 9:5 he mentions that he and Barnabas should have the “right to take along a believing wife, even as the rest of the apostles”. Of course, he could just be speaking in defense of Barnabas.

Finally, in his book, “Ecclesiastical History”, written around the year 300AD, Eusebius claims Paul was married based on Philippians 4 where Paul mentions, but does not name, a “yokemate”. The Greek word, “syzygos”, can refer to a person with whom one shares a common burden or to a spouse.

All are rather wispy evidence but there is at least a possibility that Paul was married and his wife died leaving him free to remarry. But he decided in his case and calling it was better for him to stay single.
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Matthew 19:10-12
The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.” Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. … The one who can accept this should accept it.”

1 Timothy 4:2-4
Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron. They forbid people to marry and order them to abstain from certain foods, which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and who know the truth. For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, …

Fight the Night Away

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Ephesians 4:26, 27
“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
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Early in my marriage I was told this passage means my wife and I should never go to bed angry with each other. Doing so would allow the anger to “ferment” into bitterness (and give the devil a foothold in our lives). We sure didn’t want to do that so we stayed up many nights fussing and squabbling till we were both exhausted and couldn’t even remember what we were so mad about – but we were still mad and the sun had gone down (and sometimes was ready to come up again).

Eventually I decided that couldn’t possibly be what that passage was saying – mainly because staying up till we resolved the problem was turning out to be stupid advice. We usually didn’t come to any resolution, it got worse as the night dragged on and now we were going to be tired and cranky the next day also.  I didn’t know what that passage meant but I knew it couldn’t mean “fight the night away”.

I am embarrassed to say we were thirty years into our marriage before I realized the simple truth this passage was conveying. I can’t stop the sun from going down and I discovered I couldn’t always resolve the differences with my wife before it did go down but I could do one thing – I could forgive, forget it and move on before the sun went down.

After all, forgiveness, like love, is a decision, not a feeling. I could decide to forgive, drop the matter and move on. I didn’t have to find the magical, mysterious solution to our disagreement. I didn’t have to help my wife realize how right I was and how far off base she was.  I didn’t have to restore any “warm fuzzy” feelings. I just had to decide I was not going to carry this anger with me into the night. If need be, we could return to the issue the next day, after some sleep and perhaps with a fresh perspective and insight. As a wise eight year old girl put it when she was asked the secret to happiness, “Sometimes you just need to take a nap and get over it.”

So don’t let the sun go down while you are still fuming. Forgive, take a nap and get over it. Tomorrow will be a new day.
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James 1:19, 20 (NIV)
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.